"Do not be anxious about anything. But, in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7
These versus have been my life versus from the first time they were share with me intentionally by my heroine, my mother. We were in Thailand and had recently found out I was pregnant with our first child. I was having some complications and was very scared I would not be able to cary a child. She gave me these versus and as I claimed them over and over God fulfilled His promise. Over the years, as I have faced trials and struggles my mother's words and encouragement have continued to point me to these versus to guide my actions and give me peace. This time is no different...
I have struggled with not having a positive self body image my entire life. I have always struggled to keep excess weight off and having 3 babies in 3 years this time of my life is no exception to this. I have attempted to loose the pounds through my own might many times. I fail every time! I am filled with fear of failing my husband, even though he does not put expectations on me. I fear I do not make him proud to have me as his wife because I do not look like what I should as the wife of a personal trainer and gym owner. However, I know I cannot do this on my own and know that I need to lay this at the foot of the cross and give this burden to my Lord. Knowing and doing are always two separate things.
So, this morning, Eric (my husband) invited me to join him at the gym to train. We got up at 4:00am and made our way to the gym. I ran on the elliptical for 30 min while he trained a friend of ours. Then, it was my turn. I enjoy working out once I get started and I especially enjoy training with Eric. We were having a good time through the entire 30 min. A few of the exercises were a little challenging but nothing too bad. At the end of the session I was laying on the floor and he had me doing some core exercises. As I set up for a side plank an overwhelming feeling came over me that made me feel like I looked weak, fat, and incompetent. I couldn't shake it and instead, decided I couldn't do the exercise. As Eric tried to encourage me to keep going I just broke down in tears. I felt so small and worthless....Satan was telling me lies and I was buying into them.
Later that evening Eric and I went for a walk. I shared with him my fears. I am one that has a very hard time asking for help with things. I take a lot of pride in being able to be the one that helps others when they need help but have too much pride to ask for help when I need it. I don't want to put people out and put expectations on them that they cannot fulfill. Again, I know in my head that I have to let go of this pride. I have to be willing to give everything up so I can have it all....walking with God. As we walked, I not only laid my fears at the foot of the cross, I also laid them in my husband's arms. He is not strong enough to hold me up on his own but through our Lord's help, he is equipped to help me through this.
Saying it out loud is the first step in this process. Eric may never understand how I am affected by self image and other fears but he is here to help and support me by continuing to life me up to our God.
Thank you Lord for sending a husband that loves me so much he's willing help me through this long journey ahead of me!
